In the tradition of Valentine’s day, I went to a local grocery store and picked up a big box of chocolates. Once I got home, I carefully unwrapped the box and ate the first yummy chocolate that I could see, then I asked a few questions to the remaining chocolates in the box.
Me: Thank you for being so yummy and so willing to answer a few questions.
Chocolates: Um, are we in danger?
Me: For Valentine’s Day you’re the most requested gift by women world wide, how does that make you feel?
Chocolates: We love it, we think it’s sweet.
Me: How are you guys made?
Chocolates: Well, we come from the great Candy Lord, known as King Chocoman. King Chocoman has magical powers that transform cocoa beans and sugar to little chocolate candies like us. Haha, just kidding! We come from an assembly line in San Francisco.
Me: Which one of your chocolate siblings gets eaten first every Valentine’s day?
Chocolates: The gooey cherry filled siblings seem to always be first. When you’re made into the cherry kind, you pretty much are doomed!
I pop the cherry candy into my mouth.
Me: Yum, he was delicious!
Chocolates: You’re an animal, he was just born a couple of days ago!
Me: What do you guys eat?
Chocolates: We eat other chocolates who were defects from the assembly line.
Me: You called me animal when I ate your brother, but you eat your own chocolate species? In my world, that’s cannibalism.
Chocolates: Hey, chocolate happens.
Me: Are you related to Hershey Kisses?
Chocolates: Yes, indeed. They may be shaped like poop, but they are our first cousins.
Me: Has there ever been an incident where you guys were coming down the assembly line and a worker decided to eat one of your buddies?
Chocolates: Unfortunately it happens a lot, I’m assuming that these people are just animals or hungry. The other day, a worker popped about 6 of my sisters in his mouth, it was horrible.
Me: Is it really true that life is like a box of chocolates?
Chocolates: I would like to think so, you really do not know what life is going to give you.
Me: In the movie, Forrest Gump, he had a box of chocolates to give to Jenny, but he kept eating them. How did this make you feel?
Chocolates: First of all, it was all out murder of my kin. Second of all, it was rude of him to eat a gift that he bought for someone else. Lastly, he chewed and talked with is mouth full of my kin, you could see their insides, and it was rude to show his food.
Me: How long does it take chocolate to mature?
Chocolates: We never really mature because we are eaten at a few days old usually.
Me: Why are you so good to eat?
Chocolates: Why do you keep popping my buddies into your mouth, you crazy lady?!
Me: I can’t help it, I’m woman, hear me roar!
Me: I’ve got 23 different flavors of filled chocolates in this box. Will the double chocolate please hop into my mouth?
Double-Chocolate: Noooo, I’m too young to die!
Me: Chomp, om-nom.
Chocolate: Wait, wait! I’ve got a question for you.
Chocolate: If you were a chocolate like us, what flavor would you be?
Me: I’d be a super omega, every flavored filled chocolate!
At the end of the last question, I took the rest of the chocolates from the box, put all of them in my mouth and ate all of them at once! Take that you smarty pants box of chocolates!