Thank you for reading my interview with a Terminator. For anyone who doesn’t know, a Terminator is a cyborg that has no human emotions, kills without remorse and can withstand an RPG attack. There are currently a total of 4 Terminator movies, and the first one happens to be the best. Yes it is the best, no arguing about it! The series started in 1984 and after 30 years it’s still a very popular series – it’s that awesome! Any disagreeing of these statements, will result in a Terminator being sent after you affirmative? If you want to find more information about the terminator, check out its wiki page. Ok, now to the interview!
I recently sat down with an actual Terminator, probably one the stupidest things I’ve ever done, since he probably thinks that I’m Sarah Connor and wants to kill me.
Me: Thank you for coming.
Terminator: Affirmative.
Me: What makes you a Terminator?
Terminator: I’m programed to kill all humans. Human life means nothing to me, life in general means nothing to me. Termination of humans is what I’m all about.
Me: O_o
Me: Why were you developed?
Terminator: Skynet developed Terminators to destroy the human race and take over the world. The only goal of the Terminators and Skynet is to rule the world without human resistance and brussel sprouts.
Me: Do you eat food?
Terminator: Yes, I do, but I don’t know about my other Terminator buddies. I was once on the road looking for John Connor and stopped at this thing you humans call a “diner”. The menu had cherry pie and I decided to try it because it was red like human blood, om nom nom. I love cherry pie, it’s so gooey! I may even try the cheesecake next time I’m near a “diner”.
Me: Why can dogs detect you?
Terminator: Dogs are just that smart, but I think it’s the processing chip they have. They do have a processing chip, right?
Me: Umm, no. Dogs have a brain that helps them smell your rust bucket bodies.
Me: Why all the hate for John Connor?
Terminator: Are you living under a rock? John Connor is the leader of the resistance against Skynet. He wants to save the human race and destroy us Terminators. If John Connor destroys Skynet, us Terminators are gone too. Once we are able to kill John Connor, it will be easier to wipe out the entire human population, starting with his resistance group.
Me: Rumor has that you wear a pink tutu and attend ballet class when you’re not killing.
Terminator: OMG, the T-1000 must have told the tabloids my secret! I’m going to melt that cheeky jerk!
Me: So you do attend ballet class?
Terminator: YES!
Me: lol
Me: Why does Skynet make so many versions of Terminators?
Terminator: One single version of a Terminator would be a moot point. As the technology of Skynet grows, the Terminators are able to be smarter, faster, stronger. It would be insane to not upgrade and make new Terminator models. It makes for more efficient killing and destruction.
Me: Who’s Kyle Reese?
Terminator: Kyle Reese is the reason John Connor is a pain in my butt. Reese is Connor’s father, but I killed Reese, hehe! When I went to Los Angeles in 1984, Reese interrupted my mission to kill Sarah Connor and it still makes me mad! Reese fell in love with Sarah Connor and that’s how John Connor changed the course of history.
Me: Who’s Sarah Connor?
Terminator: Sarah Connor is John Connor’s mother. I tried to kill her, but failed, no thanks to Reese. Sarah Connor had no idea why I was sent to kill her and she knew nothing about the impending war against us machines. She and John were on the run for years before she died. Sarah Connor taught John how to be a great military leader and all that mess.
Me: If you were to fight RoboCop, who would win?
Terminator: I would definitely win. I can withstand just about anything, RoboCop can die from getting a boo boo on the playground!
The Terminator concluded his interview with me, then walked away, but not before saying “I’ll be back.” Now that I’ve been in contact with a Terminator, is my life endangered? Dun, dun, dun!
